You are the center of my world

Without getting in to specifics, I've either read or heard a few things that got me thinking.

As many know, last year I lost my dad and brother. We all get to the point when family members die. It's to be expected. That doesn't mean it isn't sad, nor do I mean to diminish the loss . . . it's a part of life. The end of life.

My wife was just at a funeral. A co-worker of hers husband passed away. But, unlike the expected passing of those who are old or have become weak and sick, this husband was about 30 years old. The couple were married just this past April and were about to leave on their honeymoon to Ireland. They also wanted to start a family right away. Right before leaving for Chicago on business, the husband got sick. It wasn't much. In fact he went on the business trip and upon returning went to the doctor. Several tests later and it turned out he had a clot in his liver. No big deal. They caught it early. Some treatment with blood thinners and all should be well. But, it wasn't. So, in the hospital he goes to undergo surgery to clear the blockage.

He never woke up.

Just like that.

That's sad. Brutal. Tragic. No words can convey how one feels at a time like this. You often read about these kinds of things in the paper. It really hits hard when it's so close to home. I think back to when I had a clot in each lung after my ankle surgery. Was I lucky?

I started this blog not that long ago. I did so after reading a number of other blogs. Mostly conservative leaning blogs, but some that were more personal in content. I thought it a good way to vent and share my thoughts, as well as read news from a different source other than a newspaper.

As a result, I came to know many of these bloggers at Drinking Right, a monthly get together at Papa's Social Club. There we drink, eat pizza, and often discus everything but politics. The people I've met have become very good friends. We've taken in quite a few other activities together . . . the airshows, Hooters, and this weekend, one of their weddings. And that's just my participation. Others get together for a variety of reasons. Getting out to meet these folks has truly been one of the better things I've done lately.

Well, blogging led to Twitter. I've yet to attend a "tweet up", but intend to. Already I've made another batch of friends. Some of them I know from the blogs. But, others are new to me. It's been a lot of fun.

Then, there's Facebook. As a result of facebook, I've connected with a few friends from high school, other "new" friends, and three people from the neighborhood I grew up in . . . 30 some years ago!

You might be wondering . . . first death talk and then social networking?

Life can take an immediate turn down a one way street at a moments notice. Fact is, we have little control over certain aspects of our lives. The other fact is that there is no undo. No do overs. No rewind. No take backs. We live as a consequence of the decisions and choices we make. We only control the choices we make.

Should I be fortunate enough to reach my mid 80's, I'd like to be able to sit back and reflect on my life and, above all else, be content. Certainly, be happy. But, be content knowing that I made the most of my life. But, not because I travelled a lot, not because I felt more knowledgeable than other people, not because I made more money than other people, or have more than other people, not because I felt more talented than other people, and not because I feel as though I accomplished more than other people. I want to be content knowing I spent as much time as I could with my family . . . and my friends. I want to be content knowing that I was a good husband, a good father, and a good friend to the people I've known. I want to be content knowing that I was thought of as a good person. A fun person. A nice person. And remembered as such when I die.

What the blogs, Twitter, and Facebook have all done is added to the humility I already feel. To know that people actively searched me and took time to send a note . . . is incredibly thoughtful. To think that I've stuck in the memory of someone for so many years. It's nice. It's a nice feeling. It's my desire to do the same for others.

That, to me, is what life is all about.

Death

Serious heading, I know. But, it's a serious topic.

I'm sure many of you have had a family member or close friend die. It's sad. It's very sad. First, it's the end of life's journey for that person. That's it. Game over. I think it's made all the worse when someone young dies. We expect people in their 80's and older to die. It's what happens. Old people have lived their life. They've made their contributions. There is no next step other than death. When you're 40 or 50 years old, there's a lot of life left.

At least, there should be.

The other thing about family and friends dying is that it hits close to home. It reminds us of our own mortality. The inevitability of death. I don't mind telling you, it's unsettling.

Which means the only thing worse than death itself, is knowing you're going to die.

A friend of my wife was diagnosed with cancer a couple of years ago. The news was bad enough. It was made worse by the fact that it was an agressive and an already wide spread cancer. It was, in effect, a death sentance.

She fought it. She fought it as hard as anyone could. She also lived as much a she could. Spending time with her family, friends, and doing things she enjoyed. As for many, the cancer slowed. Her treatments allowed her time.

She called my wife the other day to inform her that hospice had been set up for her at home. The end is near. All that can and could be done has been done. The fight is over. Cancer won.

From here on she's to be made "comfortable". I can't imagine what that is.

So, what worse? Going to a funeral or visiting a friend who is dying?

It truly puts everything in to perspective. Of the many things I want to impress upon my daughter is the frailty of life and the finality of death. You get one chance. There's no undo, no rewind, no mulligans, no challenges, no do overs. Live life. Enjoy life. But don't tempt or tease or think you can cheat death.

I've had open heart surgery, an exploratoy biopsy (negative), emergency gall bladder surgery, and a blood clot in both lungs. I certainly know what the scare is about. True, in any of these situations, I could have died. But I wouldn't have known about it for very long . . . if at all. Knowing that there are no more options . . . no more hope . . . just death . . . would be terrifying.

So, this Christmas holiday count your blessings. Spend time with the ones you love, and cherish life. People like to say, "live today as though it were your last". I actually hate that. It has a finality to it. I prefer . . .

live today as though it were your first.