You are the center of my world

Without getting in to specifics, I've either read or heard a few things that got me thinking.

As many know, last year I lost my dad and brother. We all get to the point when family members die. It's to be expected. That doesn't mean it isn't sad, nor do I mean to diminish the loss . . . it's a part of life. The end of life.

My wife was just at a funeral. A co-worker of hers husband passed away. But, unlike the expected passing of those who are old or have become weak and sick, this husband was about 30 years old. The couple were married just this past April and were about to leave on their honeymoon to Ireland. They also wanted to start a family right away. Right before leaving for Chicago on business, the husband got sick. It wasn't much. In fact he went on the business trip and upon returning went to the doctor. Several tests later and it turned out he had a clot in his liver. No big deal. They caught it early. Some treatment with blood thinners and all should be well. But, it wasn't. So, in the hospital he goes to undergo surgery to clear the blockage.

He never woke up.

Just like that.

That's sad. Brutal. Tragic. No words can convey how one feels at a time like this. You often read about these kinds of things in the paper. It really hits hard when it's so close to home. I think back to when I had a clot in each lung after my ankle surgery. Was I lucky?

I started this blog not that long ago. I did so after reading a number of other blogs. Mostly conservative leaning blogs, but some that were more personal in content. I thought it a good way to vent and share my thoughts, as well as read news from a different source other than a newspaper.

As a result, I came to know many of these bloggers at Drinking Right, a monthly get together at Papa's Social Club. There we drink, eat pizza, and often discus everything but politics. The people I've met have become very good friends. We've taken in quite a few other activities together . . . the airshows, Hooters, and this weekend, one of their weddings. And that's just my participation. Others get together for a variety of reasons. Getting out to meet these folks has truly been one of the better things I've done lately.

Well, blogging led to Twitter. I've yet to attend a "tweet up", but intend to. Already I've made another batch of friends. Some of them I know from the blogs. But, others are new to me. It's been a lot of fun.

Then, there's Facebook. As a result of facebook, I've connected with a few friends from high school, other "new" friends, and three people from the neighborhood I grew up in . . . 30 some years ago!

You might be wondering . . . first death talk and then social networking?

Life can take an immediate turn down a one way street at a moments notice. Fact is, we have little control over certain aspects of our lives. The other fact is that there is no undo. No do overs. No rewind. No take backs. We live as a consequence of the decisions and choices we make. We only control the choices we make.

Should I be fortunate enough to reach my mid 80's, I'd like to be able to sit back and reflect on my life and, above all else, be content. Certainly, be happy. But, be content knowing that I made the most of my life. But, not because I travelled a lot, not because I felt more knowledgeable than other people, not because I made more money than other people, or have more than other people, not because I felt more talented than other people, and not because I feel as though I accomplished more than other people. I want to be content knowing I spent as much time as I could with my family . . . and my friends. I want to be content knowing that I was a good husband, a good father, and a good friend to the people I've known. I want to be content knowing that I was thought of as a good person. A fun person. A nice person. And remembered as such when I die.

What the blogs, Twitter, and Facebook have all done is added to the humility I already feel. To know that people actively searched me and took time to send a note . . . is incredibly thoughtful. To think that I've stuck in the memory of someone for so many years. It's nice. It's a nice feeling. It's my desire to do the same for others.

That, to me, is what life is all about.

Drinking Right

Many people will say something like, "I don't care what people think . . . " as it pertains to personal opinion or behavior trying to make themselves out to be "independent" or "individualistic". I think everyone has a certain "don't care" attitude as it pertains to some of their own behavior or opinion.

I actually do care what people think. Especially my friends. So, it came as a bit of a surprise when I walked in to Papa's and had people coming up to me asking if I was alright. I guess I've come off rather "pissed off" lately in my tweets and posts.

First, thanks for the concern. It's nice to know people take notice of a change in attitude, equate that to the possibility that there's something wrong as I'm not usually like that, and actually ask about it. I realize, of course, that for those concerned they were simply wondering if I hadn't taken my meds lately . . . still, I appreciate the thought.

Second, I have been rather pissed off lately, and it's from reading the news. Between what Obama is doing to the country, what Doyle is doing to the state, to what parents do to their children, to a new day a new shooter some where . . . it makes me angry and frustrated.

The easiest thing to do is vent, and what more perfect place is there to vent than a blog or a tweet?

It was actually suggested that I should remember the name of my blog, pop a couple of "goof balls" and chill. I have a better idea . . . I'm gonna change the name of my blog to the Indignant Indian and really let loose.

Seriously, though, it's not how I want to be regarded. I like being a nice guy, a goof, childish, immature, and a pig. But, a nice pig.

So, like being slapped in the face with a wet fish held by a girl I just tried to hit on at a grape stomping festival, I came to a realization . . . I'm not drinking that wine. And, I need an attitude adjustment.

Now, in spite of how I've come off lately, I'm not walking around all mad, and moody. Still, I have been a bit consumed by bad news. So expect some changes. Nothing drastic. No stoopid sabbaticals or anything like that. Just getting back to some lighter stuff. I've often said this isn't a political blog, and it snot. There are those with waaaay more smarticles than I and do a better job. I'll still have opinions, but I'm gonna post more "happy" stuff.

Because, what you think DOES matter to me. I'm actually quite emotionally frail. I'm high maintenance and need lots of attention. I'm paranoid. I hear voices. I talk to them.

Wait. The TV is on.

"You're doing what?"

I'm the kind of person who has one close best friend (other than my wife) and many other good friends. I tend not to go out a lot preferring the company of my wife and/or daughter and the sanctity of home. I don't really go out with "the guys" as I tend to find many of them rather boorish. I'm not a jock head (I watch only football), I thought "Shoot Em Up" was an awful movie, I like my wife, I like my daughter, I don't drink, and I have good taste in women. Sadly, this takes care of a good percentage of men out there of who I can relate to or with.

My wife has a few close girlfriends with families of their own. Every time we get together the guys head to the basement bar, turn on some sport program, and sit around and talk sports and how things used to be before wives and kids. The women are in the livingroom talking about cooking, school, movies and TV, and the occasional bum husband. Me? I'm with the kids in the bedroom or outside. I'm not kidding. Or I'm with the women. Hey, I'm not stupid.

My wife has several close friends. Every week she's usually off somewhere helping, visiting, shopping with, or dining with a girlfriend of hers. She's a great friend. Very willing to help her friends with anything. Caring. Thoughtful. Her friends like her a lot. But, she makes the effort. I don't. I admit to being a little lazy in that regard. I'm too comfortable at home with the family and my sister in law and her family who live 8 houses away.

Anyway, I come home from work yesterday and engage my family in the usual manner. At one point I ask "what's going on tonight?" Jackie, my wife answers, "nothing much. Just cleaning a little." And then I say something she hasn't heard in quite some time.

"I'm going out."

There were two thuds as not only did my wife faint, but my daughter as well. Which tells you just how shocking this statement was.

"Your doing what?" "I'm going out . . . to visit with my geek blogger buddies at Papa's." She knows about the blogging thing but doesn't quite fully understand it. After explaining it a bit more she says "that's great. Have fun."

My daughter, who is 8 and way more in tune with the online means of the world wanted to come along. She sits with me reading Dan's live blog during American Idol. I chat with my daughter from work when she comes home from school (hope my boss doesn't see this). So, again, she's pretty savvy. I tell her she can't go. It's a bar, it's smokey, it's a school night, blah blah blah. Had I known some couple was bringing their infant in to that environment and I might have thought different. For shame!

To keep a long story from getting completely out of hand, I went to Drinking Right at Papa's last night. First time. Fred has been giving all kinds of crap about never showing up even though I live about 8 blocks away. Geez. Anyway, it was great. Nothing new to most reading this but many of the blogs I read were represented. It was a good time. Even Dan Deibert showed up after his live blog of AI. It was very nice meeting the people behind the blogs. We solved some world problems, poked some fun at other bloggers, laughed at the left, cried about the right, and tried to see what Fred was writing all night.

So, in complete contrary to character, I went out and made some new friends. Thanks fellow bloggers. You'll be seeing more of me from now on.

RIP

My wife's friend passed away the other morning. While not exactly "comfortable" in the late stages of cancer, she was at home with her family and passed away peacefully in her sleep. From the time of her diagnosis, she gained two years of life. One more than was thought she had. She made full use of it. She was a good wife, mother, and friend. She was 45 years old and her daughter is 14. Much too young, much too soon.

She will be missed.