The Great Papa's Debate

There are no greater people in this country than those who frequent the corner watering hole. Some come to socialize, some to flirt, and some to unwind after a long day of work. Also amongst those, are those who try and solve the world's problems. They engage in articulate discourse over empty glasses of whiskey and cokes, half eaten orders of pizza, and between runs to "drain the main vein".

It is for those backseat politicians, those polluted pundits, those armchair stategerists that Papa's held a debate between presidential candidates this evening. Representing the people was Fred Dooley of Real Debate Wisconsin fame pitted against some schlub with a dorky hat representing the party party.

Here are some highlights:

When asked about the legalization of pot and the ability to tax it, the mook replied something about the influx of money, blah, blah, blah. Fred tied the issue to illegal immigration and how the indutry would attract new illegals to cross the boarder to steal good jobs away from Americans.

When asked about the rising cost of beer, the lackey said something to the effect that he would promise beer in every household if elected. Fred countered and blamed global warming for the rising costs of beer. Farmers are taking up precious land for corn for ethanol when they should be farming more barley and hops for beer!

When asked who their running mate would be, the party guy completely wussed out and answered his girlfriend. Fred chose Mary Carey. Excellent choice.

When queried about BJ's in the Oval Office, the mook's long and short of it was "why not?". Fred stated that with 131 other rooms in the place, why can't we save a little dignity for the Oval Office . . . fer cryin' out loud.

When asked what day they would turn in to a holiday the goombah declared June 9th to be "69" day. Fred stated he would make every payday "stripper day".

There were other less important issues muddled in the glasses of beer that had been consumed. While the crowd was asked not to cheer, the effects of said beer had an over riding effect on compliance.

In the end, with a concern for beer prices, immigration, the environment, with more holidays, and a whore for a running mate, Fred proved to be "stiff" competition. His opponent fell limp.

Congratulations, Fred. In the eyes of this voter, you crashed the Party Party and sent the mook home to be subservient to his girlfriend. We don't need no pansy-asses for President.